Navigating the Hand-Me-Downs of Reality
My mother is the best storyteller I know. She has shared stories with my sister & I, that I feel most parents would keep from their children. Her transparency, her honesty, her courage, and her willingness to “be real” has been an inspiration & I truly admire her for that. She doesn’t claim it, but she is the first trailblazer in my world to break “generational silence” that I feel can enshroud trauma, unhealed emotional wounds, hidden revelations, shame, pain and more.
Through listening to her perspective about how she had to navigate the hand-me-downs of her reality, sparked within me to begin thinking about my “reality”. What are the versions that have been shared with me? From who & what was their level of importance in my life? Moreover, just how much of “their version of reality” did I internalize? I have been considering the messengers of the messages I have received for the last 34 years. Seeking to decipher intentions, feelings, and motives & uncover what fear, worry, doubt, miscommunication, and/or half-truths lie within the roots.
Doing this internal work is heavy and humbling. It is a combination of acknowledging & honoring what came before you with love, forgiveness, compassion & empathy. All while you are working through your pain, anger, resentment, confusion and/or disappointment as you deconstruct the messages you have received & “inherited” from the previous generation(s). I am now at a place in my life, where I overstand how asking questions is imperative to my liberation and heal-in(g). What I have come to understand about navigating the hand-me-downs of my reality, I have captured in a poem I dedicated to my Uncle Bo, Thomas Grimes, my mother’s twin brother who passed away in 2003.
Poem: Navigating the Hand-Me-Downs of Reality
Dedicated to my "Uncle Bo" Thomas Grimes
In this time, Uncle Bo,
I didn’t know I would have to remember to laugh so often.
It’s hard to remember when in the midst of crying a river, riddled with pain,
While drowning in confusion of why being carefree is so dang difficult.
The hypocrisy of the messages we receive when we’re young.
And now here it is, age and time reaping it demands.
There was no depth to the explanation of what was going to be expected of me as a black woman.
Only hollow filled words that left out the weight of society’s expectations.
The silencing of truth about the pressure one will put on themselves to be an achiever.
I am continuously striving for my dreams to remain rose colored, and not grey.
To keep viewing my fantasies through the kaleidoscope, not the tunnel.
Learning that my evolution is forever changing.
Time is in motion Uncle Bo, to navigate through these hand-me-down realities and give myself permission to reject…
To replace…
To redefine what no longer serves me spiritually.
About TiElla Grimes
TiElla Grimes is a Transformational Coach who supports women of African descent, women of color, young professionals and urban youth. She offers tailor-made group and private coaching programs, designed to provide women with relevant tools to design the blueprint for who they want to be. She has over 10 years of experience in community organizing, youth leadership development and gender specific-programming. She works from the lens of communication and connection to provide urban youth with the real world tools they need to actualize themselves and others. She serves on nonprofit boards as an advocate and advisor for youth development and girls' empowerment.